Tuesday, 18 March 2014

I will POAS tomorrow - and i'm scared

I'm a little nervous. I'm currently at day 30 of a usually 27-28 day cycle, which would normally make me fairly certain, in a cycle in which we'd been trying, that i was likely to be pregnant.

However... i still am not sure if i ovulated this cycle. The only indication that seemed to be around the right time was the presence of EWCM on days 15 and 16. But if i didn't ovulate - why? Just a  random anovulatory cycle? Could i have been pregnant from last cycle and rather than having a miscarriage, i had a partial or threatened miscarriage - something like the loss of a twin? Which would mean, i was still pregnant, and therefore didn't ovulate?

Or, could it just be that for some reason my usually reliable results on the ovulation microscope were skewed, and i have actually ovulated?

That brings me to another problem. My remaining pregnancy test (and indeed the one i used to check last cycle) is from a batch i bought before my first pregnancy. They're now two years out of date. Expired pregnancy tests can have false negatives (i.e. you're pregnant, but the test shows you're not) because the dye that reacts to hCG loses it's efficacy over time. So, tomorrow morning's result may not be conclusive.

Added to that, if it's negative... that will be the third failed cycle. I'm 36 and as we know fertility drops rapidly with age. Previous CS can also negatively affect fertility (as well as increase the chance of placenta accreta, a risk they gloss over when presenting you with the CS vs VBB option). What if we can't get pregnant as easily as we did the first time?

There's a lot of what-ifs going round and round in my head, and the only answer to them will be peeing in a cup tomorrow morning. Just a few minutes staring at a white stick, willing a line to appear, and our journey to meeting our new little bundle of joy to begin.

Please keep your fingers crossed for me.